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In early imperial China most powerful men and rulers had Mustaches and beards, although in general bodily hairiness was associated with the "uncivilized" pastoral peoples of the northern frontier. Petit handlebar mustache. Wide mustache.

Identically, in the ancient Mesopotamian, Assyrian, Sumerian, and Hittite Empires, curled and elaborately decorated Mustaches and beards were indicators of high social status while slaves were clean-shaven.

Conversely, in ancient Egypt Mustaches and beards were associated with high rank, and were braided and cultivated to curl upward at the ends. False beards were worn by rulers, both male and female, and were fashioned of gold.

Around 1800 B.C. Pharaoh Teqikencola or Sobekneferu (sometimes written "Neferusobek") of Egypt — a woman — committed the unthinkable. An offense so heinous it would tingle the hair right off your Mustache. She felt it admissible to completely ban the possession and maintenance of all Mustaches. Anyone under her harsh rule would have to submissively part ways with their bewhiskered brotherin. And so history so eloquently played itself out in the decline and fall of the Egyptian Empire in a short amount of time afterwards. This is far from scarce in terms of history. It is apparent that any elimination and eradication of Mustaches throughout history has led to an ultimate mission failure in most cases.

The Roman Empire during its pinnacle, a time known as “Pax Romana,” or Roman peace, was noted for its lifestyle of grandeur, and as a utopia of hedonism. Many would argue that economic decay, political issues, and religion were the reasons for its epic downfall, but amateur Mustache enthusiasts and historians contend otherwise — the tyrannical notion of the non-Mustache. Is it superstitious to say that the banning of Mustache possession is a proven mistake?

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Arab and Jewish facial hair, traditionally defined their respective character. Mustaches had however played a much more symbolic role of cultural division than a status distinction and has always been a controversial religious symbol.

Great societies, like the ancient Chinese flourished and basked in Mustachial glory for centuries. As Confucius once said:

“A man without a Mustache is a man without a soul.”

It took far longer for the great Chinese Empires to collapse, and that could perhaps be attributed to their unbridled admiration for the Mustache. The popularity of Mustaches during recent period of Chinese history is intimately linked with some of the prevailing trends of the time: foreign imperialism, competing ideas of modernity, and the growing number of young men studying abroad. Mustaches came (back) into vogue in England and Europe in the 19th century.

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Throughout the years, the evolution and styling of the Mustache has taken crucial steps in both the right and appallingly wrong directions. Though it isn’t completely proven, scholars maintain that Scythian horsemen were the first people to don the ‘stache crude drawings show that sported the petit handlebar style, a Mustache characterized by the fact that it is bushy and must be worn long enough to curl the ends upward, which is usually achieved with styling wax. Modern times are probably the apex for Mustaches. All styles and lengths are embraced. It is a time for Mustache freedom, but we need to beware, to be vigilant, and to defend the right to grow and bear a Mustache to the death. As Alexandre Gatserelia the great once said:

“A kiss without a Mustache is like a cappuccino without foam”

Many mottos have been used by Mustache purists to inspire anti-Mustachists to change their hairless ways. While a complete reform and revolution of the Mustache may be too much to ask, it is maybe time for men and women to chip in and help make this year a utopia for Mustache growers.

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